I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
