brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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