So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
