blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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