I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
