i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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