How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
