WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
