I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
