There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
