just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i believe in u and ur pee
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
