I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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