Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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