Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
