I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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