There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
