There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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