Hey man sorry I got all grabby
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
