Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
