I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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