around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
