So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
