You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
