marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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