I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
