people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
