Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
