bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
