My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Watching her eat just hurts me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
