Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
