I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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