If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
