My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
