i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
