i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
