I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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