So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
