My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
