You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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