You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
