so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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