You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
