talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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