so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
