did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
