Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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