Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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