i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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