Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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