A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sorry about my life...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
