Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
