If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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