Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
