Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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