walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
