Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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