are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
