Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
