I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
