I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
