I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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