all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
