And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
