I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
