it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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