i love accidental penises.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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