I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
