Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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