The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
