and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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